The Third Wizarding War
by Elliot Pole
Summary: Phineas is on a date with Isabella when he is hit with an Ultimate-Evil Inator ray. He then walks out on her and goes back in time to the Second Wizard War, where he meets Romilda Vane. He then joins the Death Eaters and when they know they have lost, Phineas suggests to Voldemort that they go to the future and control the world from there. So the third wizarding war begins.
1. Chapter 1

**The Third Wizarding War**

**Chapter One**

Phineas and Isabella were sitting in a café, enjoying their spaghetti.

"This is nice," Phineas said.

"Sure is," said Isabella, thinking, _Oh, why won't he kiss me?_

"We should do this more often."

"Yes, we definitely should." _He's going to do it now!_

And then, miraculously, Phineas did lean forward. He did kiss her. On the lips. And he kept kissing her. He wouldn't stop. It was like he had been hit with a kissing bug or something and needed her breath to cure him. And it felt delicious.

She didn't want it to stop. And it seemed like it never would. But all of a sudden, it did.

"I need to go, darling," he said.

"Go?" she asked. She was dazed by the fact that he had called her "darling," which he had never done before.

"The past calls me. I must time-travel."

"I can come with you."

"No!" he barked. She cowered in her seat. Then, more calmly, he said, "I don't want you to get slaughtered by Indians or cavemen or whatever kind of creatures I encournter. I couldn't live with myself if you were dead. You know that, don't you?"

"Sure!" Isabella said. But she still wanted to go with him.

Phineas headed for the door, and at that moment, Buford came up.

"Baljeet would like me to ask you if you'd like to go to a Spring Fling with him."

Isabella wasn't listening.

"'But it's summer!' I said. And he said, 'Spring Fling is just the name of the dance. It can occur during the summer.'"

She still didn't seem to hear him.

"I guess that's a no, then?"

And suddenly Buford got a goofy look on his face. "I s'pose I can bear playing endless hours of Skiddley Whiffers with him."

He left the café.

Isabella sighed. She just wanted to continue kissing Phineas. Like forever. She imagined him turned into a centaur and letting her ride on his back as they clambered across a rainbow. Oh, if only, if only.

She went to the place ot pay for the bill.

"Oh, don't worry about it," the waitress there said. "That boy just paid for it."

"The one with red hair and a conicular head?"

"No, the one with the skull on his shirt."

Isabella wondered at this. Why would Buford pay for her bill? He didn't like her. At least she hoped not. And Phineas had obviously been too busy thinking about time-travel to pay. She didn't mind him for that. His mind was always on other things. She only wished that those other things could be her, her, and her, all the time.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Third-Wizarding War**

**Chapter Two**

"Perry the Platypus! You're just in time to see me activate my Ultimate Evil-inator!"

Perry struggled against the rubber snakes that bound him to the plastic chair. Rubber was a lot trickier to maneuver out of than Perry had thought it would be.

"Oh, will you look at that? A little boy and a little girl on their first date. How cute. Not!"

Perry craned his neck to see, and noticed that in the café across the street, Phineas and Isabella were sitting and having spaghetti, from the looks of it, though he couldn't be certain from up here.

Then he looked at Doofenschimrtz. The ray gun connected to the main body of the inator was pointing directly at Phineas!

Perry kept trying to get out of his bonds, but he couldn't. However, he could use his tail to trip up Doofenschmirtz. Which he presently did.

The ray gun shot a green laser into the air. It hit a raven.

"See what you made me do, Perry the Platypus? Now I just turned that bird evil."

The raven shot for Doofenscmirtz' eyes, claws extended, clearly aiming to poke his eyes out. Then Perry broke free of the rubber snakes and smacked into Doofenschmirtz.

Now the raven began pecking Perry with extreme vehemence. It backed him against the wall, pecking and pecking.

Doofenschmirtz brushed himself off, stood, aimed, and sent a laser shot at the boy. "Funny, this laser looks like it could kill for some reason. But I, Heinz Doofenschmirtz, would never kill anybody. I just want to turn a few people evil, that's all."

Perry finally sent the raven splat into the wall by smashing its beak with his tail. Then he ran toward Doofenschmirtz and headbutted him to the ground. He tlooked down at café, and his eyes went wild. Phineas was lip-locking with Isabella, but he looked malicious doing it. As if he were hating her for making him kiss her. Which was unlike him since he had never kissed her before (though she had kissed him. Only Perry, Carl, and Major Monogram knew about this, however).

He also looked like he was ready to leave.

Perry ran toward the Ultimate Evil-Inator, searching for the switch that would make things good. He didn't find a switch but he dif find a button, which he pressed. Then he aimed the ray gun at Phineas.

He released a red beam, which nearly hit Phineas. Except that Phineas had stood up and strode for the door. And instead the beam hit…Buford.

Buford said something to Isabella, but she wasn't listening.

Perry aimed the ray gun at Phineas again, who was now in the street. But this time the ray gun turned on him, out of his control, and hit Perry in the face.

"Super good cannot be made more good," the machine said in a mechanical voice, and Perry vanished in thin air, the ray gun cluttering to the floor.

The raven was now attacking Doofenschmirtz, who desperately tried to fend it off. He made his way over to the ray gun and lifted it. He shot it at the couch, expecting it to turn evil. Instead it became good. And fought off the raven for him, at last swallowing it by bringing it down beneath its cushions.

There was a final squawk and then nothing. Then at last Dr. Doofenschmirtz turned to see where Perry had gone to.

Perry seemed to have left the building.

Doofenschmirtz called Norm. "Have you seen Perry?"

"I see him every day, Dad."

"I mean just now. And stop calling me Dad."

"Sure thing, Pops."

Norm turned, not answering the question about having seen Perry.

"I really wonder why Perry would leave so early. It is rather rude. You hear that Perry? If you are somehow listening to my monologue, it is rude to leave early when you are visiting!"

To get his mind off Perry's disappearance, Doofenschmirtz went to the ledge of his patio and saw the girl in the café, looking dejected. "So sad she looks," Doofenschmirtz said. "Maybe making her evil will improve her spirits."

He aimed his ray gun at her, then remembered that it was set to Good. "Oh yeah, forgot that every inator must have a reverse function. Better go switch it back."

He went to do so. Then Norm came in with grilled cheese, which was burned.

"This is horrible! Do you want me to have to get a new tongue?"

"Thanks you saying you appreciate me, Dad."

"I said no such thing! You are being ridiculous."

"Does someone need a hug?"

"There you go with that hugging business again. Go make yourself useful and remove the dead bird from the couch's cushions."

"My pleasure, Pops."

Norm moved toward the couch and took the bird's carcass out. "Where do you want me to place it, Dad?"

"In the oven or the garbage…oh, never mind where. Just get rid of the thing."

Norm carried the raven off.

"Finally, time to turn that girl evil," Doofenschmirtz said.

When he looked over the ledge, he saw that the girl had left her seat. She was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Third Wizarding War**

**Chapter Three**

Phineas took a taxi to the museum. He went in and arrived at the time machine exhibit. Then he pulled the lever.

He found himself in 1971. He didn't much care for the seventies and didn't know what he'd do here. The seventies weren't a time for being evil. People were still recovering from the hippie revolution. Peace, love…all that garbage. Phineas wanted the opposite things, war and hatred. Those were the things that made him tick. As Hobbes said, life is nasty, brutish, and short.

It seemed that the museum had not been built yet. He was in some kind of park.

He asked someone on the sidewalk who his favorite member of the Beatles was. "I don't care much for insects," the guy said.

How odd. The Beatles should be known by now. Phineas couldn't stand being in a time period where every person on the street didn't know what the Beatles were. He went back to his time machine…

And narrowly avoided getting hit in the head by a remote control car.

"Gwendolyn, no!" he heard a man shout, as a girl strode toward him.

"Daddy, I need to fetch my car."

The girl picked up the remote control car. Phineas smelled her perfume. She didn't seem more than twelve-years-old, and he didn't know why mea girl that young would be wearing perfume. But so it was.

"Sorry my car almost hit you," she said.

"What is that aroma?" Phineas asked.

"Insect repellent."

"It smells too good for that."y

"It's got a strawberry odor. I like smelling good."

"Hey, why'd you throw the remote-control car in the air? They don't usually go that way."

"It flew off the ramp."

Phineas looked around. "What ramp?"

"It's twenty yards off. Behind those trees."

"Let's go take a look at it."

Phineas advanced forward, but the girl stopped him by putting her hand on his chest. "No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no ramp there."

"But you just said…"

"I lied."

"Then tell me the truth."

"I said no Gwendolyn!" A man with a goatee and wearing navy-blue robes appeared.

"Daddy, why should it matter if he knows? You-Know-Who is wrecking the homeland, and it won't be long before he gets here too."

"The homeland? You're from another country?"

And before the man could stop her, the girl said, "All American witches and wizards believe that England is still 'the homeland.'"

"You're a witch?" Phineas asked, intrigued.

"I told you not to tell him," the man said, smacking his forehead.

"You-Know-Who will make it known to all humankind soon," the girl said.

"Who is this You-Know-Who?"

"Oh, he's the most evil wizard to have ever existed. He thinks that Muggle-born wizards are fiends, which is silly because he's Muggle-born himself. Or so the rumors say."

Phineas wanted to meet this wizard already. Together, with magic and science, they could rule the world. Or maybe they could stick with the tri-state area.

He hid his emotion well and said, "Sounds like an awful sort. Bet you hate him."

"Yes. He's worse than the Muggle Hitler."

"What's a Muggle?"

"People born without magic."

"That's enough, Gwendolyn."

The man started leading her away, but she kept taking glances back at Phineas.

Phineas suddenly thought of something. He ran after them. When he caught up, he was out of breath, but said, "Was it…witchcraft…that caused…the car…to come…flying in…the air?"

"Yes, I was using a Summoning Charm."

"Gwendolyn, I forbid you from telling him any more!"

The man pulled Gwendolyn along, his arms around her shoulders. They disappeared around a bend. Phineas went back to his time machine.

He was just starting it up when Gwendolyn returned. "Is there some place we can hide, and talk?" she asked him.

"I'm kinda new here," Phineas said, which was true, since he wasn't native to 1971 Danville.

"Please? You must know someplace." She looked at him with such pretty eyes, that he could not resist.

"Well, since you told me you're a witch, I suppose I can let you know—"

"Gwendolyn!"

"Get in!" Phineas said. He pulled Gwendolyn onto the time machine and sent the machine back in time thirty years, to 1941.

Now they could see old time stores, buildings made of wood. There was a tree where there hadn't been one in either Gwendolyn's time or Phineas' time. It was huge, with a knoll near the center.

"What just happened?" Gwendolyn asked.

"We went back in time," Phineas said.

.

"What? Get out of town." She punched him on the shoulder.

"We did. This is a time machine."

"But…those things only exist in stories…"

"You just time traveled. You can't deny something has happened if you have just done it."

"I suppose that's true," she said. "Hey, I just thought of something! We could go back to when You-Know-Who was born and kill him as a baby!"

"Not sure that's a good idea," Phineas said, though he was really thinking that he definitely did not want to do that.

"Why not?"

"Killing babies is a little harsh, don't'cha think?"

"No, I don't. You-Know-Who is a menace. He must be stopped."

"All people deserve their chance at life."

"You don't understand. You-Know-Who makes life hell for witches and wizards. And he'd harm you lickety-split, because he hates Muggles even more. He thinks they're only good as slaves."

"It's still not right. If he is to come to an end, let it be by some other hand than ours."

She folded her arms. "You have no sympathy for my kind."

"You have no reason for your kind."

"Take me back," she commanded.

"You asked to come."

"So I could talk to you about witches and wizards…I have no one to talk to back home. But if you're going to be rude to us, then I don't want to talk to you."

"I can help you meet your kids," Phineas said.

"How? Oh yeah, a time machine. Forget it I don't want to meet them this early."

"But doesn't the thought that you _could _intrigue you?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any names picked out already?" Phineas asked. He knew from experience through listening to Candace that girls sometimes did this.

"I'm going to name my daughter Romilda. And she'll go to Hogwarts. Not one of the three American schools for wizards."

"There are _three _American schools?"

"Well, yeah…the country is too big to have just one. Actually, there's a fourth one but there are three that actually matter. The fourth one is kinda shabby."

"Do you attend an American school?"

"Yes. But it's the holidays now, you know. The new school year begins in September."

"Why is the non-American school you mentioned so great?"

"Hogwarts? Because it's just so neat there. An ancient castle, the Forbidden Forest, Dumbledore as Headmaster…"

"Sounds like you already live there in your dreams."

She nodded. "Would be nice to be a teacher there, but I don't think they let anyone teach there who didn't attend the school."

Phineas noticed someone carting watermelons off near one of the stores. "Could you use your Summoning Charm to get some watermelons to zoom over here? I'm a little hungry."

"I could," she said. "But people would see. And one of the laws we witches and wizards follow is that no one should see magic in the open. Muggles aren't supposed to know about it."

"Then why did you tell me?"

She looked at him. "I sensed something in you. I don't know; it just felt right to tell you. Like I can totally trust you or something."

Phineas loved that idea. Gwendolyn was putting her entire faith in him. By golly, he could jump up right now and denounce her as a witch. Except that in 1941, he might be thrown into an internment camp or something. Well, they didn't have internment camps yet, as it was still summer and Pearl Harbor wouldn't get attacked until December. But there were likely institutions for people who did things like that.

"You sure you don't want to meet your kids? See if you really do have a daughter named Romilda in the future?"

"It would scare me. What if I meet my daughter Romilda and then decide later that I don't want to name my daughter Romilda, but because I already met her I have to name her that or else create a time paradox!"

"It's a conundrum, isn't it? Well, I'm going to go to the future. Well, the future from your time. It'll be the past from my time."

Gwendolyn looked distressed. "Couldn't we go get a hot dog or something first?"

"You could summon some."

"You know that I can't. Please? I'm not ready to go back yet."

Phineas shrugged and they got out of the time machine. They strolled along together till they came across a hot-dog vendor. Good thing the war hadn't started yet, or hot dogs might have been scarce.

Some people stared at the kids' strange clothes, but they didn't ask questions. One guy said, "It's a little early for Halloween, kid. And you ought to choose something scary when the actual time comes. Those costumes are peculiar, certainly, but they aren't frightening."

"Will do," Phineas said, saluting.

The hot-dog vendor, a fat man with an odd hairdo and the image of a scorpion on his apron, stared at the two dollar bills they handed him. "I'm sorry, but I can't take your counterfeit money."

"It isn't counterfeit!" Phineas protested.

"It has a date of 2010 printed on it."

"Oh really? I thought it said 1910."

"Look kid, if you're going to try to play kinzaling with me, you ought to know that I have friends in the police force that can make your life a living nightmare."

"How about these?" Gwendolyn said, handing over two dollar bills she had dug out of her pocket.

The hot-dog vendor examined them. "Nice try, kiddo. With a 1971 date, you kids are really trying to be funny. I don't know what your angle is, but I don't like it."

"How old is your remote-control car?" Phineas asked Gwendolyn, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"It's quite old. I got it from a yard sale, and it seems it passed from hand to hand for many years."

"Can you summon it here?"

"I can't. People will see."

"Do it low. Near the ground. People would be looking near the ground."

"It'll make a noise."

"Are you two going to pay with real money, or am I going to have to call the cops?"

"We're trying to find it," Phineas told the vendor.

Gwendolyn went over to a bush and pulled out her wand. The vendor couldn't tell what she was doing. It looked like she was tying her shoe from where he was standing.

The remote-control car came zooming along. Phineas saw it drop into the bush and Gwendolyn pick it up. She brought it over to the vendor.

"Ta-da! A state-of-the-art toy vehicle. We'll trade this for the hot dogs."

"I've never seen anything like this before," the vendor said, examining it.

Phineas wondered if that meant that they were in trouble. Offering the hot-dog vendor money from the future was fine, since he thought it was counterfeit. But a toy car? That could really cause them to be found out.

"My son could use something like this," the vendor said.

"So we can have the hot dogs for it?"

"Of course," the hot-dog vendor said.

"Four hot dogs," Phineas said. "The two you already prepared for us, plus two more."

"Oh no, that's going too far. Just the two hot dogs already ready."

"Is that okay with you?" Phineas asked Gwendolyn.

She nodded. It really wasn't okay with her. She'd rather have had two hot-dogs for such a wonderful remote-control car. It wasn't like it was easy to replace.

They walked back towards the time machine, eating their hot dogs. It was a quiet walk, peaceful. Gwendolyn kept taking glances at Phineas. She had to stop herself from making an eighteenth glance. She was becoming obsessed.

Phineas knew that the remote-control car was important to Gwendolyn. It ws because of it that they had met, and she seemed to be fond of him. Making her get rid of it, albeit subtly so that she didn't realize what he was doing, was a way for Phineas to exert his evil pressure on an unsuspecting soul. One way to do this is to make people give up things that are important to them for trivialities. Hot dogs were fleeting things. Gwendolyn would be hard-pressed to find another remote-control car like that. And even if she found another, the one she would want would be that one. The car that brought her close to Phineas.

They climbed back into the time machine.

"I suppose we should say our good-byes before we return," Gwendolyn said, not looking Phineas in the face.

"Why?"

"Well, when we get back to 1971, Daddy is gong to whisk me away and we won't get to hang together."

"I thought we were going to the nineties."

"The nineties? So that we can see my kids? We already agreed that we weren't going there."

That wasn't the reason Phineas wanted to go the nineties, but he wasn't going to state it. "Well, I'm going there."

"You have fun then. But you are dropping me off in my own time first."

"Sure I will," Phineas said.

"I don't believe you plan to."

"Of course I do. You have my honest word."

"Good. Then let's say goodbye."

"Goodbye," Phineas said.

"'Bye," said Gwendolyn.

"There. We've said them. Now what?"

"Now you take me back to my time."

"Ah, but there's something we need to do first."

"What?" Gwendolyn asked.

Phineas leaned toward her and kissed her. Not with as much passion as he had kissed Isabella, but enough to make her spine tingle.

Then all of a sudden it was over. Phineas pulled the lever, and the time machine shot forward in time

The time machine stopped. Gwendolyn jumped out, looking around for her father. And then she turned to glare at Phineas.

"What?"

"This is the future!"

"No, it's not. It's the past. C'mon, I'll show you."

Phineas led Gwendolyn over to a newspaper stand at the entrance of the museum.. The date on the newspapers was July 14, 1996.

"That's the future," Gwendolyn said.

"It's the past."

"Of course, you're from the year 2020 or something. But for me, 1996 is the future."

"I'm from the year 2010, actually. But yes, I suppose this _is _the future for you."

She punched him on both shoulders, backing him against the time machine. "You promised you'd take me back to my own time!"

"I didn't think you were sincere in not wanting to meet your kids."

"Well, guess what, hot shot, I was sincere. And…I don't want to know if You-Know-Who won the war on not."

"He had a strong presence, didn't he?'

"In England, yes, but it threatened to spread across the globe. And I don't want to know if I'll be forced to raise my kids in a You-Know-Who controlled universe. The very thought terrifies me."

"I guess I can understand that. I'm sorry, Gwendolyn. I'll take you back to 1971."

"You better really do it this time," she said, through gritted teeth.

They went back into the museum and got in the time machine. Phineas pulled the lever, and suddenly there were back in the park.

"It looks right," Gwendolyn said.

"Couldn't we kiss once more before your father shows up? Just o brief one"

"You think I'm going to let you kiss me after you broke your promise?' Gwendolyn asked. Then she leaned forward and touched her lips against his. Their kiss was cut short, however, by her father arriving and yanking her out of the time machine. She waved farewell as her father dragged her off, yelling and cursing.

Phineas wanted to visit You-Know-Who and even join him. But it wouldn't do to see him in this time period.

He didn't want to join You-Know-Who at the start of his war. It would be nice to show himself a willing participant, but from what Gwendolyn had told him, it sounded like You-Know-Who would kill him just for being a Muggle if he approached him.

No, the way to do it would be to go to a future date when You-Know-Who was in power and show him what Phineas could do for him, and why he should have Phineas as a partner. The nineties would do. You-Know-Who should be in power by then.

So he did the only thing he could do and returned to July 14, 1996. Now would be the time to find a way to fly to England and discover if You-Know-Who won the war. And maybe see how Gwendolyn is doing in this time. She wouldn't be in Danville if she did what she wanted and sent her kids to a school in England. Or most likely she wouldn't be. He supposed she could be here. But he didn't know how to look up her name, since he didn't have her surname. Gwendolyn was the only name he knew of hers.

He hopped aboard a plane. Within hours, he would be in England. Funny that his step-brother's native country would be the place of much turmoil in the world of wizards. He would just have to find out what level of turmoil had gone on there.

_You-Know-Who, ready or not, Phineas Flynn is coming._


End file.
